So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
