I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
