I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it glows. i had to have it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
