Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You have to summon your inner elephant
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
