Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
