The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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