So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are a genius and a whore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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