And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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