She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
