I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
