so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
