Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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