Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
