I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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