Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
