apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
