I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
