I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
