Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
