After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
