I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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