How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i've created a new STD.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
