Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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