you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize