I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i permit you to call me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
