Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
