they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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