where does the pee come out of this thing
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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