I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
