one two three fourrrrnication!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
