Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
