Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
