i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Two words: nipple clamps
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