Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
