Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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