There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
