real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
