I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
