3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
