so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
