i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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