ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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