did you get engaged???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
