dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
