I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
