just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
