Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
