Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
