dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
