The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
