You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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