I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
