I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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