He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone came in the potted fern
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
