i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
