Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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