If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His hands were made for my vagina.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
