I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
