there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
