My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
