I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
