she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
