I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
