apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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