sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
