I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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