i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
are you so shy because you have an std?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
