Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
