If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
