Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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