I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
