these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
