Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
