why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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