My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
