Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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