Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
